By Laura Brosnan
The Guardian
October 5, 2011
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From as early as the playground games of kiss chase at nursery school, I have always known that I preferred the same sex. I grew up in a household where science was a constant point of discussion. Religion was never a part of my life.
The turning point was when my mother passed away in my mid-teens. I had a major reality check. Life was too short and I shouldn't be wasting days wishing I lived the life I want to lead. There was no escaping the pink elephant in my closet any longer. It was, however, the same moment that made me doubt my atheism.
This couldn't just be the end, could it? The most important and kindhearted person in my life had just vanished? Strange experiences that I never had before started to shake my life; for instance, I'd wake up in the middle of the night at least once a week, and still do, feeling a warm presence in my room. Spooky? Could it have been an angel? I was unsure, but I needed to learn more.
I took salvation with a friend of mine, who was a gospel singer, and her family embraced me with open arms. They were a strong Christian family, so after a while they would invite me to their church performances, their Sunday schools and prayer meetings. It was like a beautiful, insightful, hidden world that boasted of love and acceptance, where everyone took strength from each other's faith, together using God's word, to not only enlighten the world but also to sustain morals within such a crumbling society.
The strength that Jesus gave me made me feel confident enough to surpass my fears and tell the world who I was. I was told my choice in lifestyle was from the devil and they didn't want to be a part of it. I attempted to question their anger, as I was still a child of God and I had accepted that he was my saviour. There were no answers.
They pointed to Leviticus 18:22: "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable," and they went on to cease the friendship. I felt as if everything they had shown me, the commandments and the Lord's love, was just for show. Faith at that time seemed like a selected lottery for Jesus's love.
As I have grown, so has my love for God. Even though people who preached his word fled and walked away from me, he never did. Do I punish Jesus after all he has done for me through ignoring his love completely? (That surely is the biggest blasphemy of all.) Because others are too busy judging my life to concentrate on their own struggles and sins: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" – John 8:7.
Can I find a mutual ground between my beliefs? Can I still attend Thursday night's Gay Girlz at Heaven and then head to church on Sunday, fit and ready to sing my prayers for my Lord Jesus?
I have tried and prayed to change, but end up feeling lost. Argument after argument, I still find myself being persecuted by both the gay and Christian community. Every Sunday I walk into church to pray and receive disgusted looks from brothers and sisters. The main reasons are for the clear verses in the Bible referring to homosexuality as sin. I know, I've studied the Bible.
It's an uncomfortable and confusing position many of us are in. I don't think it's fair to claim that I can't be an LGBT individual and be saved. God made it clear that there is no sin that can separate us from him apart from the rejection of Jesus Christ. Is the Bible just down to interpretation? Are the 12 mentions of homosexuality in the holy book due to cultural and historical mistranslations and misinterpretations? Many do argue that "sexual immorality" refers to rape and prostitution, not those in a loving relationship.
As a Christian, I've felt God and his presence and know what it feels like to feel the holy spirit. The gospel wasn't part of my life from an early age; I asked God to come into my life. No one who is saved can explain that sudden rush of understanding, that feeling of total awareness that God is there. For this I live my life with respect, understanding and love for others just the way God taught me. Nothing in the world is ever black and white, and no single person is perfect. If I know love, then I know God, and to share a consistent relationship with him through the struggles and tests of my journey is what I shall do.
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